So, went to see No Country For Old Men this weekend, great film, stunning opening sections...only spoiled by the persistent russle of food wrappers. Now Rol used to complain about the distractions in the cinema and I used to think I was lucky as I always had the advantage of late afternoon screenings with barely anybody else in. However, over the last two years or so, it has become an ordeal each time I go to the cinema, either due to constant chatter (I moved TWICE during Transformers, the second time when two people shifted to face each other and were having a full blown conversation!), people kicking seats or persistent plastic bag ruffling (you expect a bit but not for prolonged periods). I really really can't stand this, is it so wrong to expect a little consideration when even the screen tells the audience to be quiet (two people walked out of No Country when their mobiles went off!)?
After the film, Tone and I went to the pub where two obnoxious loudmouths out of a group of four made it difficult to even hear each other. Angrily, I questioned "What is it with all the chavs around here?" Tone asked "What, don't you have chavs in High Wycombe?". I considered this and explained that I can't remember any in the pubs but of course we do have chavs, that's why I find catching the bus every night such an ordeal. Plus, a lovely area called Castlefield was featured in a documentary a few years back and was portrayed--probably fairly--as the blight of Bucks.
Cinema noise. Obnoxious gits on the bus. Poor public transport services. Practically everything on TV and the radio. Can I blame all of this on a decline in standards---or is it really just me? I don't mean that figuratively: IS it me? Who am I to stand as a moral paragon? I try to treat people with civil courtesy and respect and expect the same back but am I right to demand that? SHOULD others conform to polite behaviour?
Today at work, a small error I (99% probably but not entirely beyond doubt) made at the start of the month rose to the surface, a really minor thing that got missed but could have led to big trouble. This angered me no end. I mean, REALLY angered me: I hate the fact that I make mistakes like this (I can live with litle insignificant ones), although everybody does them, but today I just went off big time. I wanted to pluck out my own eyes or stab my arm. Seriously. In the encyclopedia of normal, I think there's a great big gap around where that might have gone. I was so angry, I couldn't face my regimented balanced meals and worked straight from 8 ttill 5.15 with nothing except a cup of tea (missing my fruit, salad and ceral bar throughout the day) as I was too angry--with myself mind, not anybody else- to relax on break so I worked through it instead. Come the afternoon, my mood started to subside when another stupid error surfaced, this one I know was because I was rushing. Again, my blood rose...and by the time it levelled off around 4.40, I was both knackered and now starving.
Is it normal to get so over-angry and to turn it inwards? I've started reading a book about Steve Rude, who talks about his own battles with depression and I recognise the symptoms in myself. I've had some dark periods in my past to be sure and I probably have more issues than the Comics Warehouse. I'm generally an easygoing calm person---but I do bottle things and sometimes this can lead to VERY fast, high anger levels. In comic terms, I liken myself more to Cyclops than the Hulk (okay, stay with me here!). Bruce Banner can't control his anger, his temper literally runs away with him and destroys everything while he has absolutely no control over himself. Cyclops meanwhile has similar reserves of power which he has to consciously bottle up each day in order not to destroy everything around him and this takes its toll on him. He maintains control but sometimes vents when necessary. Cyclops and optic beams, me and anger, that's the same y'see.
Now I don't want this blog to get all serious and black but today was a bad day, hopefully tomorrow will be better. Let's hope so, eh? After all, even ruby quartz visors can crack...